Dear Spanx,
While I love the fact that once on me, you suck in my belly fat and smooth out my "hail damage"...we need to have a talk.
This morning, while trying to wrangle you apart far enough to slid in the tip of my toe...you decided it would be super-fun to pop off and fly across the room. And while I do love a good joke...and 6:30am, before coffee...I am not one to joke. So on Friday, when I flip you inside out and wear you again (because I am a rebel like that)...we're going to need you to be a bit more cooperative...and loose (just so I can shimmy and shake my way into you)...mmmmkay? Thanks.
Also, when I sit down, I'm gonna need you to #1...not roll down my stomach and bunch up around my waist...giving me an unexpected "muffin-top" when I stand back up. Isnt that what you are supposed to be preventing??? Plus, its not very classy for a lady to be tugging and pulling at her tights in the middle of a conference (not that I would do that or anything ;-)...I'm just sayin'.) And #2...while sitting...I am going to need a bit more air. You know, like in the kind that keeps a person alive...because you know...I'm having a hard time breathing...just alittle bit.
But all in all, Spanx...you are a lifesaver (well, maybe not a life-saver...maybe more like a fat-sucker-inner/hail-damage-smoother-outer). And I am in love with you Spanx (just dont tell my other tights.)
AC
7 comments:
That's hiliarious!!! :)
Girrrrl...I have been there done that! I also would prefer that they wouldn't roll up my leg or make me sweat like a whore in church! They need to have built in fans to circulate air! : )
You crack me up!
I second that!!! Can your spanx talk to my spanx?? I might need to have a "coming to Jesus talk" with my spanx.
LMAO!!! Please have your Spanx talk to mine when they are done too! Especially they whole, rolling-down-while-sitting-creating-a-muffin-top-that shouldn't-really-be-there-because-20 minutes-ago-everyone-thought-I-didn't-have-one talk!
I love an early morning laugh. If you figure out how to tame them, let me know. Back when ladies wore garter belts, your Meemaw was going shoe shopping and the little rubber button that hooked the hose to the girdle (not panty hose) was missing, so she used a button from one of PaPaw's shirts. While the salesMAN was fitting the shoes to her foot, (they really used to do that) the button turned loose and hit him in the crotch-- poor man didn't know what to do or where to look. Have a happy day. Love, Aunt J
i think i find this funny because i only have a tiny idea as to what 'spankx' actually are AND that i'll never have to wear them...whatever they are
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